you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize