my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
