just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
