The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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