found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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