If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
