he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
