they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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