I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.