she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.