I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.