I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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