I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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