You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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