I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
