i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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