was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
