When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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