Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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