That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
