My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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