my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
