Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Randomize
