don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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