Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
