you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
is that a dick in a sweater?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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