R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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