Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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