So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
