Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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