I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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