We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
