forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize