I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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