Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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