hotel room ftw
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Randomize
