Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
