Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.