I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it