I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...