idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
