i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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