Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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