I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
