Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
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Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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