my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
