Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?