She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?