So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.