Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard