but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime