turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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