boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
