remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
