ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...