I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
that's an acceptable place to lick
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace