I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
well you can't waste a boner
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??