3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.