I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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