he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
