btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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